Why are some women so mean?
Recently I was engaged in conversation with a group of women sharing how other women had been mean to them.
While listening, I heard real pain and saw raw emotion being expressed. I could relate because I’ve felt this way before. Mean may be too severe a word, though. Perhaps these are more appropriate words to use:
Oblivious. Rude. Distracted. Selfish. Busy. Worried. Jealous. Judgmental.
Regardless, it made me wonder if I have done the same thing to others. And having “meanness” done to me before, makes me more aware of how it hurts. I never intentionally want to do that. It deeply saddened me to see my friends hurt. I even cried for them.
What can we do as Christian women to show we care?
1. When there are several of you planning lunch in the presence of another person, invite them too. Don’t assume they have other plans. They may have. For most, just the thought of feeling included is enough.
2. A smile is powerful and will make a huge difference. If you make eye contact with another person, simply smile. A smile says, “I like you or I accept you.” When you turn away after making eye contact a person feels unworthy, unaccepted, or judged.
3. Don’t worry if she doesn’t smile back. You do your part. And don’t be offended. Some women are shy. If this woman is someone you see from time to time, keep smiling. I have a few close friends who are shy. If I had stopped after my first smile or attempt to get to know them, we wouldn’t have become friends. So don’t give up.
If it is possible as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
Romans 12:18 (NKJV)
4. If you are a leader or teacher to a group be prepared to greet your participants. But don’t greet just a few or only your friends. Greet them all with a “hello” or a smile. Otherwise you appear to be in a click and may be named a snob. If you are not in the position to greet all of your students who make eye contact with you, don’t greet any of them. It is better to be perceived as being busy rather than to be a snob.
5. When you approach your friend and she’s engaged in another conversation, say hello and smile to the other person she’s talking with also. When you only talk to your one friend, the other person appears to go unnoticed.
Be Kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)
Please forgive me if I made eye contact with you and made you feel unnoticed or judged. I, too, fall into the sin-trap of being too busy, easily distracted, and anxious. It helps me to remember these verses:
He who refreshes others will be refreshed himself.
Proverbs 11:25 (NIV)
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 12:25 (NIV)
Be-Nice-Cake (Old Fashioned Chocolate Cake)
Dr. Billy Cline, my dear former pastor of thirty years, once said, “When in a group with others that you work with or see on a regular basis, bake them a cake!” I heeded his advice and baked a cake for my colleagues my first year teaching. It’s just a delicious way to be kind, get to know one another, and open the lines of communication. The recipe I used was passed down to me from my sweet mother-in-law. Alma Presnell would have been 86 this month.
¾ cup butter 1 ¼ teaspoons baking soda
1 2/3 cups sugar ¼ teaspoon baking powder
3 eggs 1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla 1 1/3 cups water
2 cups all-purpose flour 2/3 cup cocoa
Heat oven to 350. Grease and flour pans. Combine butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Blend together. Combine dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Add alternately with water to butter mixture. Blend just until combined. Pour into pans. Bake 30-35 minutes.
Frost with butter cream frosting.
Butter Cream Frosting
Combine 3 TBLSP. Soft butter, 3 cups sifted powdered sugar, 3 TBLSP milk and 1 tsp. vanilla. Mix until smooth. Add more milk if necessary.
Addendum: Praise You
It’s been a couple of days since I wrote this blog post. Today, I was a victim of some other person’s road rage, and I was shot a bird.
Shocked me! Actually, crushed me…and no, I didn’t do anything wrong. So, sometimes people are mean because they don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Christ it is very hard to show loving kindness. But for the rest of us we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us to guide us, direct us, and give us strength. My bad experience inspired me to include a song from the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. The song, “Praise You” is my life song. Here’s the link from Youtube:
Enjoy today. Enjoy your week as your make a difference in other’s lives with your smile and kindness!
Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.
Romans 12:10 (NKJV)